Guess who’s coming to bobble?

I’m a great admirer of the work of Driftglass, a ‘shop genius for political commentary. Consider the above an homage, if you will.

I’ll guarantee you that clueless rageaholic failed presidential candidate John McCain will be making the rounds Sunday on the morning bobblehead shows now that Ghaddafi has been killed. He’s on them nearly every weekend. I swear the producers must have him on speed dial or something.

NYT: Clueless and lazy is no way to run a newspaper

WTF NYT

Mistermix at Balloon Juice points out the front page of today’s New York Times. Thousands of people gather around the world to protest the growing inequality of wealth distribution, and it merits a mention at the bottom of the front page.

The same thing happens with the web site. Load the front page and there’s a blurb as well.

Totally clueless about what’s the news today, that’s your “old gray lady” at work.

Talking Heads (no, not the band)


With apologies to St. Janis of Port Arthur, a reworking of “Mercedes Benz”:

Oh Lord, won’t you save me from these talking heads?
They’re hurting our nation, it just never ends
Tom Friedman, Krauthammer, Bill Kristol and friends,
So Lord, won’t you save me from these talking heads?

Oh Lord, won’t you take them off of my TV?
Lying for dollars they’re trying to kill me.
I work hard providing each day well past three
So oh Lord, won’t you take them off of my TV?

Oh Lord, won’t you bring some reporters to town
I’m counting on you, Lord, please don’t let me down
Prove that you love me and silence these clowns
Oh, Lord, won’t bring some reporters to town

Oh Lord, won’t you save me from these talking heads?
Ross Douthat, Dave Gregory, Dave Brooks, and their friends,
Worked hard all my lifetime, these clowns ain’t my friends,
So Lord, won’t you save me from these talking heads?

*minor edit from “the” to “these” at the suggestion of Mrs. Polly. And another from Brother Shotgun of Sweet Reason.

Campaign Nightmares S1E1: Perry for President

INT CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS (NIGHT)

GORDON RAMSAY

This week, I’m trying to save Rick Perry’s campaign for president. The campaign stops are endless, and the speeches are shocking.

I’ll have to deal with possibly the stupidest supporters in the world. A crazy campaign manager, and an a candidate obsessed with deep-fat-fried corn dogs.

EXT CAMPAIGN STOP
(Candidate Perry comes down off the podium to raucous cheers from supporters in South Carolina)

GORDON

Rick, what the fuck were you doin’ up there?

PERRY

Well, Gordon, I’s jus’ tellin’ them folks how we’re all for God ‘n’ country, wavin’ the flag and all that stuff. Yeeehaw!

GORDON

Oh, fuck me! Listen, Rick, you’ve got to get on message, but you need a message that appeals to people outside your own clientele. We need to work on your “menu” if you will, scale it down, widen its appeal, or it’s all going to go pear-shaped.

PERRY

Can I still shoot mah guns?

GORDON

Oh, for fuck’s sake, Rick. Will you stop worrying about your six-shooter and start worrying about the six other punters who are in this race against you? You want to wank on about your pistols, go back to that racist hunting camp you came from. If you want to campaign with the big boys, then listen to what I say.

INT WIDE SHOT OF STAGE FOR PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE

GORDON (VOICE OVER)

We’ve got less than 12 hours to get Rick Perry ready for his second debate. And this time, he’s facing some real competition. No, not the other candidates, but that jackass Wolf Blitzer from CNN.

INT GORDON FACES RICK PERRY IN THE GREEN ROOM

Listen to me, Rick. You’ve got only a few hours to get your head in the game. What are you willing to do to prove that you have what it takes to be the president of the United Fucking States of America?

PERRY

Well, I’ll tell ‘em Amer’ca is just a bigger version of Texas. And I’ve run Texas fer years now, so they should vote fer me, ’cause I’m not Mitt Romney.

GORDON
(SHAKING HEAD, HAND ON FOREHEAD)

Jesus Christ. You are pathetic. There’s no way you’re going to stand up to Barack Obama with that kind of backwater pablum. That is just shit. Show them you care, Rick. Show them you have a plan. You do have a plan, don’t you?

PERRY

Why, sure I do. Texas!

GORDON

Fuck me. (SIGHS)

INTRO MUSIC BEGINS TO PLAY

Right, off you go then.

(SCENE)

*** Disclaimer: This is satire and in no way actually associated with Gordon Ramsay, Rick Perry or anyone else in the world.

American Exceptionalism

Rick Stantorum speaks to the Faith and Freedom Conference:

“Ladies and gentlemen,” Santorum said to applause, “America was a great country before 1965.”

Yes

America

was

a great country

before 1965.

Will Rogers speaks to the 21st century

The man was wise.

“The Potter’s Field are lined with graineries full of grain.”

Depression

I’ve looked into this valley before. I’m saying this because I hope nobody ever has to go through this. It sucks. It tears my soul apart.

Don’t misunderstand me. I don’t even wish this on Dick Cheney or Grover Fucking Norquist. Because it sucks. And it’s dark, and I don’t know how to dig myself out of this pit without admitting that I suck at living. Yeah, it’s that kind of feeling.

Sometimes I hate my country. Most of the time, I just hate me.

Greg Mankiw

is an asshole:

Similarly, when I write a column for the New York Times, I am not good at predicting how much it will get people talking.  As a result, I monitor the subsequent blogosphere commentary to judge if the article is a snore (like most things that get published) or if it is commanding attention.  At the very least, I expect my articles to be noteworthy enough that within a few days Brad DeLong will call me a moronic hypocrite.  I hope my articles incite some wider commentary as well, but I never know in advance.

Okay, Greg, you’re not just a moronic hypocrite. You’re a self-serving douchebag who should be working at McDonalds instead of Harvard. Every time you open your mouth, you stain the name of an institution.

Attention, in and of itself, isn’t something to be proud of. You should be hiding in a corner of the universe for dragging the U.S. economy into the depths that it’s now in. Instead, you seem proud of yourself. So proud, in fact, that you won’t own up and allow comments on your piss-ant blogspot blog.

Who needs roses

The west coast can keep their over-produced parade of delicate flowers.

Who needs them when you’ve got a bunch of guys in drag doing dance routines?

Mummers!

If you’re interested in a cross between a Mardi Gras parade and a New Year’s Parade, check out the video coverage at WPHL’s web site. You can see the routines that the Mummers perform, including some with political and environmental themes. You won’t get that in any Rose Parade.

There’s a lot of tradition surrounding the Mummers, which you can read about here, at Philly.com, and at the Mummers’ official web site.

We’d originally planned to head out to the streets to watch the parade, but instead, we’re safely ensconced on the couch watching it on TV.

Cleanliness is next to …

Happy Holidays!

This is not my beautiful house!

Many moons ago in the blogosphere there was a minor writer with the moniker “Bryan S.” who flew the flag of “Arguing with Signposts.” His politics were vaguely conservative, warblogger, humorist, cynic, libertarian. In short, he screwed all that up. So, you might say this is my attempt to set that stuff straight. The flag is flying again. But we’ve set a course that’s at odds with the haze of the last eight years. Onward!

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